Checkpoints

I’m teaching a negotiation class this semester for the first time in a couple of years. Since my records are pretty good, it wasn’t that hard to pull out my notebook, dust it off and do the necessary revisions. I adjusted some things in the content and moved on to the logistics of starting a new semester. Then, I taught the first class. The lecture notes/lesson plans are so detailed, it’s dizzying; thinking about it, it dawned on me that those notes were created at what must have been near the height of pre-diagnosis compensations for tumor effects. I’ve come a long way since then, as notes for classes created post-surgery look very different indeed. It’s been an interesting checkpoint. It will be interesting to see if these notes ultimately have to be redone, as they’re so intricate they may not be usable any more.  

While that’s been encouraging, I’ve been working on coming to terms internally with the fact that I may be approaching a major personal and public failure with this most recent book project.  It’s due shortly and I’m getting pretty scared.  Michael, as always, is reassuring, and he reminds me that I had the same reaction last time, which I do not remember. At all. However, I’d rather go down in flames having tried than not attempted it. So I’m working on getting to the finish line and then will let other people judge and will live with the result, chin up and willing to live with the consequences. Onward.