Thursday, March 25, 2010

Irrationality Reiging

It’s a rare for a wave of complete irrationality to take over my thinking, but that’s happening now. We figured out that I hadn’t had a physical in some time, due to the more pressing focus of the full-blown medical adventure, so I had one recently and have been working through all the associated testing. One of those suggests a biopsy would be a good thing, and my whole reaction has been: No. The follow-up MRI looking for brain tumor recurrence is in early April and other than that, I feel medical-ed out. It would require finding yet another doctor in yet another speciality and undergoing even more testing for something that’s not particularly likely to be a problem. You can get the flavor of all my rationalizations. Even recognizing the essential dysfunction of my thinking process, for the moment, I’m not getting over the visceral reaction and so am just putting the whole question aside. I will think about it again after the MRI and results are behind us, and maybe after some more time helps the residual stress levels from recent events to recede.

It’s a grey rainy day today, and all I can think is “April showers bring May flowers.” It’s not April yet, I know, but almost, and from my desk I can see daffodils blooming across the street along with the crocuses in our parkway. Even in the greyness of the day, they spread cheer and hope. That leads me, of course, to thinking about causes for hope, and for me right now, it’s that I’m almost ready for the rest of the semester. Only another few tasks to go, and then, I hope, I can get back to writing the next piece of the book chapter that I have have been thinking about. At least in that area, I know I’m being rational right now. The other stuff, I’m going to think about another later.

Enjoy Thursday wherever you are.

1 comment:

  1. Trust your instincts, Tina. Not necessarily to *make* the decision, but to establish that it *is* a decision, a choice. Not terribly long ago, I had a biopsy urged upon me. I insisted they be specific about what information they were after and what use could be made of it. Then I researched the matter myself in some depth. I concluded that whatever the biopsy might find, the results would be of no use whatever. Posed with direct, specific questions, the docs had to agree. And of course a biopsy involves genuine costs and risks. It's not in the least irrational to take your time about deciding.